Sheng Thao’s Oakland Odyssey: From Mayor to Mugshot in Record Time

Published: April 14, 2025

By: R. House

Oh, Sheng Thao, how the mighty have fallen—or rather, how the mildly competent have belly-flopped into a cesspool of their own making. Once the pride of Oakland, the former mayor who rode into office on a wave of progressive promises and Hmong-American firsts, Thao now finds herself staring down the barrel of a 95-year federal prison sentence. Bribery, fraud, and money laundering? It’s like she decided to speed-run the corrupt politician playbook and accidentally set a new personal best.

Let’s rewind the tape to those halcyon days of 2022 when Thao narrowly clinched the mayoral gig, edging out her opponent by a measly 677 votes. Little did Oaklanders know they were signing up for a masterclass in "pay-to-play" politics, starring Thao and her trusty sidekick, longtime partner Andre Jones. According to the feds, this dynamic duo teamed up with local recycling tycoons David and Andy Duong to turn City Hall into their personal ATM. The deal? Thao would hook the Duongs up with juicy city contracts—think recycling deals and modular homes for the unhoused—while they’d sprinkle some cash on her campaign and slide Jones a cool $95,000 for a "no-show" job. That’s right, folks, Andre was allegedly getting paid to do nothing more than be Thao’s arm candy. Talk about relationship goals!

The indictment, unsealed in January 2025, paints a picture so cartoonishly crooked it could double as a Looney Tunes script. Picture this: Thao, twirling her metaphorical mustache, promising to appoint Duong-approved cronies to high-level city posts while the recycling barons funded a $75,000 smear campaign against her rivals. “Money buys everything,” Andy Duong allegedly texted, probably while cackling over a pile of ill-gotten cash. Meanwhile, Thao was reportedly directing the bribe payments through Jones to keep her hands clean—because nothing says "innocent" like laundering money through your boyfriend’s bank account.

But the real comedy gold came when the FBI raided her house in June 2024. Thao, ever the drama queen, emerged days later with tears in her eyes and a defiant speech: “I have done nothing wrong! This investigation isn’t about me!” Sure, Sheng, and the 140GB of data and 250,000 files the feds have on you are just fan mail from your adoring public. By November, Oakland voters had had enough, recalling her in a historic first for the city. Apparently, skyrocketing crime and a budget deficit weren’t enough—they needed a corruption cherry on top to seal the deal.

Now, facing a potential century behind bars, Thao’s got a new scapegoat: the “radical right-wing forces.” That’s right, folks, it’s not her fault she allegedly sold out Oakland for pocket change—it’s those pesky conservatives who framed her! Never mind that the IRS, FBI, and U.S. Postal Service teamed up to expose her little scheme, complete with a money trail so obvious it might as well have been marked with neon signs. “The alleged crimes are a clear breach of public trust,” the IRS sneered on LinkedIn, basically perp-walking her in front of the internet. Savage.

So here we are, watching Sheng Thao’s political career crash and burn faster than a Tesla on autopilot. From homeless single mom to mayor to federal inmate hopeful, her rags-to-riches-to-orange-jumpsuit story is the kind of cautionary tale they’ll teach in civics classes—if Oakland ever gets its act together, that is. In the meantime, let’s raise a glass to the Duongs, Jones, and Thao: the gang that couldn’t bribe straight. Here’s hoping the prison cafeteria serves up some of that modular home charm she was so keen to peddle. Cheers, Sheng—you’ve earned it!