Paul Kim: The Molotov Marxist Who Thought Tesla Was the Real Enemy

Published: March 29, 2025

By: R. House

Well, folks, it looks like Las Vegas has its very own Che Guevara wannabe, and his name is Paul Kim. This 36-year-old genius, armed with Molotov cocktails, a rifle, and a grudge against capitalism’s sleekest electric darling, decided to take his pro-Palestine communist crusade to the neon-lit streets of Sin City. On March 18, Kim allegedly turned a Tesla dealership into his personal bonfire of the vanities, torching cars and firing shots like he was auditioning for a low-budget action flick. The result? Fifteen counts of pure, unadulterated idiocy slapped on him faster than you can say “Elon Musk’s revenge.”

Let’s break this down, shall we? Kim, a self-styled revolutionary with a wardrobe apparently limited to black hoodies and a mask—because nothing screams “I’m a serious threat” like dressing like a discount ninja—rolled up to the Tesla Collision Center in a black Hyundai Elantra. Yes, a Hyundai. Not exactly the chariot of a proletarian hero, but I suppose the revolution’s budget didn’t stretch to a tank. He then proceeded to scribble “RESIST” on the building like a toddler with a can of spray paint, smashed some cameras with his rifle (because evidence is so bourgeois), and chucked Molotov cocktails at five unsuspecting Teslas. Oh, and he fired a few rounds for good measure, because why not? If you’re going to throw a tantrum, might as well go full Michael Bay.

What’s the motive, you ask? Well, Kim’s a proud pro-Palestine communist, which apparently translates to “I hate Elon Musk and his fancy cars more than I hate my own terrible life choices.” Somewhere in that muddled brain of his, torching a Tesla dealership was the ultimate blow against imperialism—or maybe he just really didn’t like the Cybertruck’s angles. Who knows? When you’re juggling Molotovs and manifestos, logic isn’t exactly your co-pilot. Perhaps he thought setting fire to electric cars would send a message to the Zionist overlords he imagines lurking in every shadow. Spoiler alert, Paul: the only message you sent was “I’m a clown with a criminal record now.”

And let’s talk about the irony here. Tesla, the poster child of green energy and progressive tech, gets firebombed by a guy who probably thinks he’s saving the planet from capitalism. Did Kim miss the memo that Elon’s cars are supposed to be the eco-warrior’s dream? Or was he too busy penning his next Reddit rant about the evils of private property to notice that he’s literally burning the wrong symbol? This is peak revolutionary brain rot—when your ideology’s so warped you end up attacking the very things that align with your supposed values. Bravo, comrade. Truly a masterclass in self-sabotage.

The Las Vegas Metro Police, backed by the FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force, nabbed this genius on Wednesday, and now he’s cooling his heels in the Clark County Detention Center. Fifteen counts, including arson, property destruction, and possession of a fire device, are staring him down like a very disappointed parole board. Kim’s first court appearance today at 1:30 PM PT is going to be a sight—will he show up in a beret, clutching a copy of Das Kapital, or just sulk in silence as the judge reads him the riot act? My money’s on the latter; this guy doesn’t strike me as the “stand tall” type when the cuffs are on.

Assistant Sheriff Dori Koren called it a “targeted attack,” and Sheriff Kevin McMahill made it clear there’s no honor in “firebombing and terrorizing your local community.” Harsh words, but let’s be real—Kim’s not exactly a folk hero. He’s a guy who thought he’d spark a revolution and instead just sparked a few car fires and a lifetime of regret. The feds are even piling on with terrorism vibes, and Attorney General Pam Bondi’s already labeled these Tesla attacks “domestic terrorism.” Sorry, Paul, your little stunt didn’t just land you in county jail—it’s got the big guns eyeing you like a piñata at a DOJ party.

So here’s to you, Paul Kim: the Molotov Marxist who turned a Tesla dealership into his own personal dumpster fire. You wanted to resist? Well, congratulations—you’re resisting freedom now, one prison meal at a time. Maybe next time, stick to posting manifestos online instead of playing arsonist. At least then you’d only be a laughingstock, not a felon. Enjoy your 15 minutes of infamy, comrade. The revolution won’t be televised—it’ll be extinguished by a fire hose and a very long rap sheet.